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Twilight Books Summary

• — Book 1. Twilight:
• Edward: Hey.
• Bella: OMG, I'm so silly. And horny.
• Edward: Yes. I'm dangerous. I sparkle.
• Bella: OMG you're a vampire!
• Edward: Yes. Let's go play baseball.
• James: I like your girl, Edward. Gotta eat her.
• Edward: Roar.
• James: Omnomnom Bella.
• Bella: OMG I'm screaming in agony! Yes, I will be a vampire!
• Edward: I'm gonna kill you, James! I'm gonna suck Bella as well. LOLJK you're not a vamp.
• Jacob: Oh, hi there!
• — Book 2. New Moon:
• Edward: Oops, gotta go.
• Bella: OMG don't leave me! OMG I'm so depressed and dying in agony again.
• Jacob: Oh hi there! I'm a semi-naked shape-shifter! (I mean, a werewolf!)
• Bella: OMG I don't miss Edward anymore, I love you Jake!
• Alice: Edward is gonna kill himself!
• Bella: OMG no! BRB Jake, you're not important anymore.
• Edward: I'm going to do the worst ever. I will sparkle Italians to death.
• Volturi: You suck.
• Bella: OMG leave him alone!
• Volturi: OK, leave now bitches.
• Jacob: I love you, Bella.
• Bella: OMG I love Edward more, bye!
• — Book 3. Eclipse:
• Victoria: I'm back, bitch! I'ma cut you!
• Bella: OMG no!
• Edward: I'ma protect you, dinner! (I mean, Bella)
• Jacob: I want to kill her too!
• Riley: I will kill you!
• Bella: OMG I'm frozen!
• Edward: Shit I'm so cold and can't get you hot.
• Jacob: Move on bitch, I will warm this whore.
• Victoria: You missed me bitches?
• Edward: I killed James, you twat! Now you're dead!
• Bella: OMG kiss me Jake! Kay, gotta go I'm marrying Edward.
• — Book 4. Breaking Dawn:
• Edward: I don't want to fuck you, Bella. Marry me first.
• Bella: OMG shit, okay.
• Jacob: My heart is broken!
• Bella: OMG and so is my water! I've been prego for 3 days and now my baby is ready to go!
• Edward: Oh no, a monster!
• Renesmee: I'ma kill you, mom :3
• Volturi: We're gonna kill that bitch, she's a monster.
• Bella: OMG finally I'm a vampire! I'ma protect ma man and ma family and some other random bitches.
• Volturi: Fine, you won.
• Jacob: Bella I never loved you. I wanna fuck your daughter.